Shoshana's first words

Believe it or not, Shoshana has said "hi" several times already (she is 3 months old as of last week). Both Tim and my mom has heard her too so it isn't just mommy wishful thinking. She doesn't say hi in this video but she had just said it twice for mom and me so we thought it was time to get her responsiveness on tape.

Enjoy!

My First Birth Experience

**Warning: the following blog post is very long and it took me several weeks of a few different sessions to write so if you are interested in reading all of it, expect it to take a few sittings.**

Funny how you can plan all you want but sometimes all the planning in the world doesn't get you the expected results! I am one of those annoying people who like to have plans for everything. Fortunately, even though I like to have goals for the short-, mid-, and long-term, I do have a little balance in that area and also like to be flexible and spontaneous whenever possible. But sometimes God decides to stick his finger in and rearrange my beautifully organized goal sheet! Those kinds of interruptions are when I get frustrated and my inner control freak rears her ugly head.

All that to say, Shoshana was not planned. In fact, we were actively trying NOT to have any kids for at least a year. In my mind, if I could take a year of Greek, get my wound care nurse certificate from the UW, and climb to the top of Mt. Rainier then I would have accomplished all I wanted to accomplish before having kids.

*sigh*

I was struggling with thoughts of not wanting the baby in the first place, anger with God at giving me a baby while a few of my friends desperately wanted one without success, and fears of inadequacy as I have always held motherhood in high regard which is one of the reasons why I wasn't looking forward to it. So much responsibility! This isn't talking about taking care of someone after surgery who has a complicated health history. You are responsible for raising a person. We're talking about morals, ethics, beliefs, philosophy, education, emotional stability, etc. in addition to physical health! It is a 24/7 job. You can't just sign out of the clock and go to a party with your friends. Sure, my husband was cut out for this sort of thing. Me? No sir-ree!

There you have it. As close as most of you are going to get to full disclosure.

With that noise in the background, in comes a baby. A little life. Someone who will depend on us for everything in life until they are, little by little, able to depend on God. And it is our responsibility as parents to facilitate that transfer. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Who does God think we are? Superman? Apparently so.

But this is where God reminds me that He himself empowers us to do these sorts of incredible feats by indwelling us. So it is not us really doing it anyway. He allows us to do things that are challenging because, like any good parent, he can take pleasure in simply seeing us grow and learn. It is Him and that is to whom we should give all praise to. He saved my husband and I from eternal damnation, matured us, brought us together, and gave us a little one to care for even when we said we didn't want one right now thankyouverymuch! And He is the one who can ultimately do those same things for our children despite our inadequacies. *deepbreath*

So, on to the birth story.

5:00 am, Monday morning, 2 1/2 weeks before my due date, my water broke. My husband remarked later that he had no idea a fully pregnant woman could move so fast. We immediately called our long time friend and midwife, Amanda, to let her know what had happened. She asked me a few questions, suggested going back to sleep if possible, and calling her if things started progressing. Otherwise, she would see me later in the morning. I managed to get back to sleep despite the occasional contraction and Amanda arrived around noon. Until that point I would have steady contractions over 30 minutes then nothing for another 30 minutes to an hour.

When she arrived we talked about gentle things we could do to kickstart labor like walking briskly, herbal tinctures, and the like. She and I agreed that the risk of infection at this point was minimal and I assured Amanda that I would be comfortable staying at home, trying to get labor started, until 48 hours post Rupture of Membranes (ROM). After that I would consider transferring to a hospital to be induced. (I knew I would be the WORST patient ever and I didn't want to inflict that on anyone unless it was absolutely necessary.)

Contractions continued to start and stop again. Once, we had contractions going for a good two hours straight then they just stopped altogether. We had a conference with Amanda, the midwife, and her assistant, and the doula and her trainee that evening to discuss our options. Since I had been a bit tired out of all the activity and the inconsistent labor we decided to, again, try to sleep while we waited for my body to do what it knows how to do. At this point all of my support personnel counseled me to do my best to focus on being excited to meet my new daughter and to not think about all the potential negatives like loss of freedom, interrupted goals, essentially that an entirely new stage of my life was beginning long before I wanted it to. They agreed on the theory that my mental and emotional state was actually responsible for not allowing labor to start. Let me tell you, I was in such a state that after hearing that it was still easier to feel guilty about potentially putting my daughter at risk for infection than to be excited about meeting her. See the problem? So did I but that didn't make things any easier.

This was all very frustrating. I did want labor to start, I didn't want labor to start, I did want to meet my daughter, I didn't want the responsibility of raising her, I wanted her out of me, I wanted her safe from infection or complication, I was fearful of the black looming uncertainty that is one's first labor experience. I was so confused. But mostly scared.

We prayed together then we all went to bed.

Same old, same old the next morning (Tuesday). Contractions were there, but relatively soft and definitely non-committal. By 11am we decided to use a tried and true herbal tincture in addition to other methods we had already been using and if that didn't work we all agreed it would be time to be medically induced.

Boy, did it work.

I took the first dose around 12 noon and almost immediately they started up. And they started with a vengeance. I actually had contractions hitting hard every 2-3 minutes after about 20 minutes and I even had a few on top of each other. At this point I began making noise; groaning. Not because I wanted to, but because that was the only thing to do. And I'm not talking about your typical groaning. It was weird, gutteral, neanderthal groaning. Or, as another blogger mom put it oh-so-accurately, "like a moose being shoved head first into a wood chipper." I called Amanda at 1pm and asked her if I really had to take another dose because I didn't think I could get another dose down between contractions. Needless to say, I didn't finish my thought before another contraction hit.

By the way, medical personnel experienced with childbirth become well versed in the different sounds of labor. I knew that at different stages I would make different kinds of sounds but I had never attended a natural birth. I had only attended medicated births so the sounds I was making were totally foreign to me. They were not foreign to Amanda, however. Once I got back on the phone after the contraction she asked if I had called the doula. I said no and she said I should really do that. Okay. I took a deep breath like one who was about to take a deep plunge in icy cold water and thought to myself "here we go." I was committed to a natural birth (hence, giving birth at home) because of the risks imposed by medications but the prospect was still quite intimidating, especially right as it was all happening.

About 20 minutes later the doula and her assistant showed up and started doing what they could to guide me through contractions. At this point I had to begrudgingly change positions from on my knees and leaning over the edge of the bed because my knees were being bruised and rubbed raw. I soon found out that any other position seemed to make the contractions even more intense.

Beyond this point time became completely irrelevant outside of WHEN THE HECK IS THIS CONTRACTION GOING TO END? I remember that at some point while I was still laboring on our bed and before I went into the birth tub the contractions got to an intensity where groaning wasn't enough. I had to scream. There was nothing else to do. I didn't feel like screaming would help but the pain was just so intense and overwhelming that I couldn't hold the screams in any longer. I pretty much screamed through the end of labor which everyone thinks was around 5-6 hours later. Does anyone want to guess that I was hoarse afterward? You're right! I almost couldn't speak and any sound that came out was extremely deep and raspy.

Where was I? Oh, the screaming started. Right.

Soon after that everyone decided that it was safe for me to get into the birth tub because if you get into warm water too soon after the start of labor you may slow down the progression or even stall it altogether. Let's just say I had to choose my words carefully when someone said something to the effect of "we think you can get in the tub now." I mean, WHAT GAVE YOU THE CLUE THAT LABOR WASN'T GOING TO STOP? WAS IT THE SCREAMING? *Ahem*

The tub. was. wonderful! No, it didn't decrease the intensity of the contractions but I felt like it helped me cope with them a little better. It also allowed me to return to my favorite position of on my knees leaning forward because I could essentially let my lower half float in the water while I leaned over the edge of the tub and chewed a towel apart during a contraction. It also allowed me to get better rest between contractions. I think that a few times I actually fell asleep near the end...only to wake up to I AM GOING TO DIE.

Well, I may be getting ahead of myself here. Most of the time Tim was there for me to lean on and dig my fingernails into but I vaguely remember that at some point he wasn't there and it was just me and the towel. And the edge of the tub. At some point he came back but his not being there didn't really bother me. It was just me and the tub anyway. And the pain. And the ever-competing thoughts of "I can't believe this is happening," "GET HER OUT OF ME," "I don't want to do this; I never wanted to do this," and "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS HURTS!"

Some of you might be wondering "what about coping methods?" You mean like counter-pressure, massage, pressure points, distraction, aeromatherapy, guided imagery, warm water, changing positions, etc? Oh, those. Yeah, we tried them all. For the last four hours of labor, at least, none of them helped one iota. Maybe the warm water in the tub was still comforting until then but around that time until the end it was just me and the contractions. Anything outside the rim of the tub didn't exist.

At some point my movements during contractions changed. I could tell that something was different in how I moved but I figured it wasn't time to push because I didn't feel any urge WHATSOEVER to push. I just did crunches while screaming my lungs dry. This went on for nearly an hour until I looked at Tim full on in the face, the first I had done that in several hours, and said "I'm done! No more! Get me to the hospital now because I can't take any more of this!" Fortunately, even though we hadn't settled on a "safe word" yet he knew me well enough to know that I was serious, I wasn't just complaining. I wanted meds and I wanted them NOW! Tim equates this moment to seeing someone break under torture. Yup. I would say that is pretty close.

Amanda assured me that we could begin the process of transferring to the hospital but she seriously thought that I wouldn't make it to the hospital. The thought of laboring and/or giving birth in a car was enough for me to agree to getting out of the tub and being checked before making a final decision.

Guess what? I was dilated to 10.

Internally I smirked and said to myself "so that was transition...it's all downhill from here!" Unfortunately, however, I still didn't have an urge to push so I had to be coached through all the elements of pushing. Let me tell you, even the thought of getting this baby out almost wasn't enough to motivate me to willfully send my pain level from a 15 to a 20 out of 10. I didn't have any idea that that kind of pain existed or was tolerable to the human body. I always had this concept that unimaginable pain like that would cause someone to pass out. Oh boy, did I want to pass out!

When Shoshana was just crowning they decided it would be easier for me to push if I were on the birth stool. About 15 minutes later, and a lot more pushes than I expected, Shoshana was quite suddenly born just after 8pm. Fortunately Amanda's assistant was ready and caught her before she tumbled onto the floor with the cord around her neck. The cord was quickly and easily unwrapped and they handed her to me. Unfortunately, at this point I was in so much oxygen debt after all that physical labor that I didn't have the capacity to contemplate the fact that I was holding my slimy, squirmy, sticky, white, crying baby. I was too busy gasping air for several minutes. Except for the fact that I was relieved she started crying almost instantly I didn't really notice her for a while. But what I did notice was all the scurrying happening around and under me. I took a quick glance between my knees and saw that Amanda had put a bowl under me and I had a steady stream of blood adding to the small pool already in the bowl. When Amanda barked to the helpers in the room "We've got a bleeder. Get me gauze, like, yesterday!" I simply noted to myself in an almost blase, uninterested fashion: "Hmm, Amanda doesn't like how much I'm bleeding. Oh well. She'll take care of it."

A minute or so later we moved to the bed where Amanda could stitch me up from a larger than usual tear which also dissected a large vein. Apparently, some women are so fed up with the whole birth process that getting stitched up is just one too many things. Me? No. After what I had just been through, I didn't care one bit about getting anesthetized and stitched up down there. That's nuthin'!

There you have it. Add 'em up. 28 hours of latent labor, 8 hours of active labor, 50 minutes of which were pushing. And for some reason the active labor part was unusual in that it was more intense than most, according to both the midwife and the doula. So now when people ask me how labor went I say something to the effect of "on the one hand labor was too long (36 hours) but on the other hand it was too short (8 hours)."

Shoshana was handed to me right away and we waited for her to clear her lungs and for the placenta to stop pulsating. She cried for only a few minutes, smelled me, felt me, and stayed warm on me for an hour while Tim cut the cord and Amanda stitched up my larger than usual tear. The standard assessment used to determine how well a baby is functioning in the first few minutes outside the womb was performed by sight, without taking her away from me. Then we got our first practical lesson on breastfeeding. Only when Shoshana was comfortable and the sticky coating on her skin to protect it from the amniotic fluid had almost all been absorbed was she taken to the end of my bed to be weighed and measured.

Though labor was much more intense than most first labors, I know my midwife and doula did everything they can to help my body do the process it knows how to do. They coached me on breathing techniques, guided imagery, massaged me, held me, and let me clutch them for dear life and scream in their ears, just to name a few. But more than that, my daughter was treated with love and respect, as a little person in a new and uncomfortable environment. Not as a disaster waiting to happen. The memory of their gentle care right after Shoshana was born still nearly brings me to tears.

Will I have any subsequent children at home? It depends. Mostly it depends on how soon I get pregnant again. If that happens sooner than expected, then definitely not. If I feel ready to have a second child then maybe. But I have to say the only thing compelling me to even consider it is how differently Shoshana was treated than what I have seen all other babies treated.

Sometime later I'll publish a post about how one might go about deciding what kind of care to have for their birth experience both from a professional and a personal standpoint.

O Death, Where is Thy Sting?

A few days ago I returned from a memorial service for a friend’s first born baby girl who died very late in labor. The exceptionally strange thing is that the dad’s best friend, a guy who I dated for a summer in 2005, just lost his first born girl a week or two before Shoshana was born, also very late in labor. To top it off, this dad also just lost a childhood friend to a river during the last heat wave. I expected to cry a bit at the memorial because of the injustice of it all, but I it turns out that I cried for a very different reason.

To understand how important this story is to me, I have to start at the beginning. You see, life has been such a series of roller coasters in the last few years that I had gotten very bitter toward God for the injustices in my life. Why was I entitled to so many tough “life lessons” so early? After one or two I felt my relationship with my Heavenly Father grow to the point where we could have two-way conversations. But after back to back life lessons for several years now, I got tired of it all. Who did God think I was? Paul, Peter, John the Baptist… Job? Over time I became more and more tormented. My landline with God slowly deteriorated and was finally cut. The communication satellite was blown to smithereens. The Postal Service went out of business. Finally, even my typewriter was smashed with a sledgehammer to the sound of gleeful cackling. Once again, my best friend didn’t want to talk to me. I was alone, abandoned. The sky relinquished its existence to an ever shrinking black box.

I was in such despair that even my relationship with my husband was seriously affected. The tormenting spirits came very close to winning the battle on multiple occasions. I was just so sick and tired of going from one trial to another that I was ready to quit life. Literally. Needless to say, I didn’t. I’m still here and kicking. But not because I accepted that God was somehow good even though life sucked, nor because I learned why these things had been allowed in my life, but because I recognized that I had gotten sucked in to the prevailing Christian teachings today; that life was supposed to be easy. I was entitled to a good life. Too bad that it is a lie. This life is the hard part and after it is the good part. This is hard work, later is retirement. Based on that I was finally willing to repent for my rebellion and fight with Him for control. (If you don’t already know, I am a bit of a control freak. I’ve figured out that that is why I hate roller coasters. They terrify me because I’m out of control.)

I am fully convinced that if my relationship with God hadn’t been restored a few weeks ago I would not have learned the lessons that I did this week.

The reason I have suddenly become willing to write such a damning self-expose is because I want to share the nature of God that he revealed to me a few days ago. You see, for the second time in my life, the Holy Spirit allowed me to feel what he felt. In that room, surrounded by muted conversations, hugs, and a few tears, I felt the Holy Spirit himself, mourning. He was so tangible I could almost see him. His arms were opened wide, welcoming the childless parents like the perfect comforter; like the best friend that knows that words aren’t enough at this time. Only silent, tearful companionship was necessary at this time.

Does it strike you as strange that the Holy Spirit would mourn with us in loss, even though the Heavenly Father has ultimate control over life and death? It seemed strange to me for a few moments even though this nature of God is known as "the Comforter." That is, until I remembered that there was no death in the Garden of Eden. The most painful thing known to mankind was not God’s invention. Death was part of the curse brought into our world by the cunning of Satan himself. This may seem elementary to some but I had forgotten some key principles of God’s character in my bitterness and anger. I mark the beginning or the most difficult times in my life with the death of my best friend when I was 14. Over time I allowed my understanding of God to morph until he was almost Zeus-like. Omnipotent but detached. Caring, but willing to put us through hell for “our own good.” Sometimes I even thought of him as capricious. I definitely thought of God as responsible for unbelievable pain instead of protecting us from he who doesn’t simply wish to inflict pain, but to utterly destroy us.

What is more, God personally experienced loss. Yes. He lost his first born child. Not only did he lose Jesus to death, he lost him to damnation. Not only did Jesus die on the cross, all the sin of the world was heaped on him. Why? Because he was blameless. I think Aslan can explain it best: “It means,” said Aslan, “that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward (C.S. Lewis. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe).”

“His grace is sufficient (2 Cor. 12:9)” not because he is magnanimously capable of meting out grace for us poor, shortsighted people who need a little extra help to bear our difficult existence, but because he knows what we’re going through. He went through it. He knows how much grace we need to mourn, recover, and move on. He even knows how much grace we need to rejoice in our sufferings (1 Pet. 4:12-13).

I understand better now. Not perfectly, but better.

My Men

If any of you women have not read "Created to Be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl, you really should. It is a book by women for women on how to be a godly wife. No, it does not allow for "fixing" your husband or "getting" him to do stuff because it only deals with those who are reading the book: wives/women.

I first read the book a few years before I met Tim and during a time when I didn't have any suitors. I read the book as a guide for developing good habits toward future wifehood and tried to glean ways in which I could practice on my father and brother. Chapter 8, "Wisdom to Understand Your Man" made the biggest impact in my life. In it, three different "types" of men are discussed. Command Man, Visionary Man, and Steady Man. My dad is a Steady Man through and through with sprinklings of Visionary. When I came to understand what motivates a Steady Man to be so quiet and reserved my respect for him shot through the roof.

You see, my respect for my father had been fading bit by bit as suitors came around and my dad would be completely uninvolved. At least, that's how I saw it. Oh, how wrong I was! I thank God every time I realize that my attitude toward my father has been refined by the words and insights of this godly, older woman. Here are snippits of what I read which describe my father exactly:

"When you are married to a man [or daughter of one] who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You may be discontent becasue he is slow and cautious to take authority or make quick decisions... You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church [or around these various suitors]... There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making."

With that paragraph I knew that my father was primarily a Steady Man and I should really pay attention.

"The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. God's Word says in Hebrews 13:8, 'Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and for ever.' A man who is created steady brings peace and safety to a woman's soul. Your husband's [father's] gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your [father's] hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your [father's] lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions. If he ever speaks of how he does feel, he will most likely become teary."

That last sentence had me in tears because it is so true and I didn't see before how special he is.

"A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God and him... Your [father] will enjoy and share your triumphs in business. He will be proud of your accomplishments. He will want you to use your natural skills, abilities, and drives. Your achievements will be an honor to him, but lazy slothfulness will greatly discourage him... At the end of the day, Mr. Steady will enjoy weighing what he has accomplished with what you have accomplished and will rejoice in the value of having a worthy [daughter] in the grace of life."

Talk about turning on the faucet. In a rush I realized that I had wanted my father to be a tough and intimidating interviewer of any and all suitors, to take an active interest in our relationship, essentially, to be the kind of man he is not. I realized that my view of love was not his view of love. What I thought to be disregard and disinterest was actually his way of saying "I love you and I trust you." Whenever I would ask him what he thought of a guy he would always say something along the lines of "what do you think?" I took that to mean he wasn't paying attention and didn't care what kind of guy came knocking on my door when, in fact, he trusted me and allowed me to make my own decision as a young adult in who I thought would be a good fit for me.

Thankfully, the Lord answered my prayer that he would empower me to make a good decision on a suitor to therefore honor my dad! Just like I asked he made Tim an obvious stand-out to me from the beginning then gave me time to learn how Tim's deviations from my ideal husband were according to God's plan and with God's blessing. I was so happy to hear that when Tim asked for my hand in marriage my dad teared up.

THANK YOU DEBI PEARL AND CONTRIBUTORS for helping me to see the depth of love my earthly father has for me. Not only did my respect for him reach new heights but my respect and appreciation to my heavenly father grew to know that he gave me such a wonderful dad.

Now to present day.

Tim was in "go" mode last night after deciding that it would be "totally cute" to use one of his old servers lying around to set up a webcam pointed at the chicks and ducklings. When he first suggested it I thought he was joking because I don't think of doing things if there isn't a purpose to it. When he asked me what I thought I just laughed. He laughed too then gave me an inquisitive look that said "Now, what is your answer?" Realizing he was serious I said "It doesn't sound hard but why would you?" He simply replied with a shrug "It would be totally cute."

As he charged ahead with his plans and, subsequently, put off a more responsible task, that same chapter from "Created to Be His Helpmeet" jumped into my head reminding me what is a proper response to my primarily Visionary Man.

"Visionary Man will take the trash out if he remembers it. But, he may also end up inventing a way whereby the trash takes itself out or is turned into an energy source, or he may just waste a lot of time building a cart for you to take it out. He will not mind cleaning up if he notices it needs doing, but he may get so deeply involved that he decides to paint while he is sweeping, and then switch projects before he gets finished painting."

That paragraph describes my husband to a "T."

"Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods, and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from solid ground... His sweetheart needs to stay in a positive state of mind, yet never jump into his make-believe world, trying to be too much of a cheerleader on dead-end issues." Now my favorite part! "Let him burn out on things that are not wise but don't throw water on his fire. Let him find his own balance through bumping into hard realities. The Old Testament prophets of God must surely have been the Visionary types. Remember Elijah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel and all their trials?"

If I hadn't remembered what Debi Pearl had suggested about handling these "go modes," as a friend of mine puts it, I probably would have re-reminded Tim about the more responsible task that I had reminded him about as soon as we got home (as per an earlier request of his). Instead I gave him enough room to enjoy his evening of tinkering and planning instead of nagging him. Subsequently, we had an enjoyable evening of tinkering and talking and though we went to bed later than usual because of his fervor for this gadget project I would happily choose an hour less sleep and a cheerful husband to a dutiful but sullen one. And I'm sure he would choose the same for me so guilting him into doing something is right out.

I'm still chuckling about the boyishly enthusiastic way Tim tackled his project last night. No, he didn't finish the project because of technical difficulties but now he has a better idea of what he needs to do to make it work. Yes, he will bump into the harsh reality of cramming before a deadline...again...but it is not my job to go to nagging lengths to prevent that. I am so blessed to have a husband with a healthy dose of wisdom so he can generally avoid learning from these sorts of mistakes and I am so blessed to have read this book through several times before I got married.

This is probably the most humorous example of putting this book into practice but I guarantee you, it is not the only one. The most poignant thing I learned from Mrs. Pearl is that to have a happy, healthy relationship I must first put into practice things that make myself and my family happy and healthy. Trust in God must be substituted for complaining, a merry heart for grumbling, thankfulness for discontentment, and appreciation for my husband's quirks for nagging, just to name a few.

In no way have I "arrived," but thanks to the time and effort put forth by Debi Pearl and all her hundreds of contributors I am better equipped to learn how to be a helpmeet to my husband so that we can grow happy as "heirs together of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7)."

On Politics, Policy, and Voter Responsibility

**Believe it or not, I started writing this post about a month after President Obama was sworn into office. I completed it to a point then left it alone, my better judgment convincing me it would be best to put off this subject until well after the heated emotions of the election, both for me and those who would be reading this post.**

I have been hearing sidebars over the last two weeks from CNN, MSNBC, and FOX news channels that more and more Americans "regret" voting for Obama. (Strangely, the closest thing I can find to a reputable online article about that shift in mood is on TownHall.com as if it is okay to say on the television, but not to put in print.) It is also news that Democrats in the House and Senate are surprised that Obama has turned out to be much more of a Liberal than a Centrist and moderate Democrats are even conferring with moderate Republicans on what the heck they are going to do for the next two years to attempt to maintain the balance of power between those two branches of government.

I know that some of my friends voted for Obama for various reasons. This post is not directed toward people who voted for him for policy reasons. This rant is entirely directed toward people who did not know the issues or the policies and were duped into the "messiah" mindset via Obama's impressive oratory and dashing good looks or those who voted for him simply because he is black. (That final point brings up an entirely different rant which I will only touch on here: if you voted for Obama only because of the color of his skin, then you are just as guilty of racism as those who didn't vote for him for the opposite reason. That is all.)

Seriously, did everyone come down with selective amnesia and conveniently forget that Obama was rated the Most Liberal Senator in 2007? In his first two years in office he was ranked 16th and 10th, respectively. How could his partisan liberality bordering on socialism be a surprise to anyone? It's as if people actually believed what he SAID in the campaign rather than what he DID before the nationally sanctioned event where you attempt to win as many votes as possible. Even the liberal media brought up his voting record when discussing him as a candidate. His record in the Senate was not swept under the rug. Yet, somehow, many people came away with the conclusion that he was more of a Centrist than many other candidates on the primary Democratic ticket.

Besides the typical campaigning to respective audiences, Obama was surprisingly loyal to his platform and sincere in his goals. No one could logically accuse him of waffling on policy issues during the entire campaign. He simply said what he thought would be received best to different audiences. He didn't outright lie on anything significant that I know of. Bill O'Reilly said it very well in the Sept. 22, 2008 edition of TIME Magazine "he's a sincere man and a tough guy. His policy is what he says it is. He's no phony. He's telling you: I'm going to set up a big government apparatus, I'm going to redistribute income and I'm going to use more soft power than hard power abroad. What he says is what he believes."

Those major policies that he was up front about from the very beginning are what he is working hardest at in these first 100 days in office...and that is why people are crying over voting for him in the first place? You've got to be kidding me.

We have both a responsibility and a privilege as Americans to vote in both national and local elections. And part of the responsibility of voting is knowing the issues and the policies of those you are voting for.

Now, the reason I resurrected this post from the better judgment abyss is because of the media firestorm a few weeks ago over Obama's gaffe when addressing the attack on Fort Hood. Even media outlets that have historically been Pro Obama to a fault took notice that the President's version of "condolences" showed "frightening insensitivity" not to mention the usual Fox News drivel. I have heard the same kinds of thoughts from friends and acquaintances of mine. My question is: "Why does this surprise you?" It doesn't surprise me in the least because for all time in his public life he has been calm and measured. That is one of the things that he was lauded for in the campaign. Now you expect him to be outraged at something? I am not saying these things to defend President Obama or because I agree with how he handled the situation or because I agree with his policies or even because I like the guy. I'm saying them to point out the lack of logical thinking that has crippled the country for the last several elections.

Just as it is dumb to attack Palin for being a workaholic public servant (as she has always been), it is dumb to attack Obama for the very thing people praised him for in the campaign. That kind of rhetoric doesn't reflect poorly on the Commander In Chief, it reflects poorly on those who were blind to Obama's straightforward personality in the first place only to now say "what an insensitive guy we have leading us!" I say again, this guy is not using smoke and mirrors. He is being upfront about what he believes and what he plans to do. "I won." And he means it.

The fact that Obama is such an excellent politician makes me not trust him. He is very careful with how he words things so that, in my opinion, he has yet to be caught making obviously contradictory statements. He just makes subtly contradictory statements depending on his audience. But how some people become so taken by a candidate that they become blind to that candidates' faults is beyond me. Every person has their faults, every politician moreso, and with politicians you know that no matter how altruistic they may seem there are always financial doners pulling the strings.

And that, I believe, is the crux of the situation. The best way to know a candidates' platform is to look at who their big doners are. It is easy to do because it is a matter of public record and, thanks to modern technology, those public records are often available online. Find it. Use it. But most of all, use your brain and not your heart when voting. Politicians can only win your heart if you turn off your brain.

Please take these ramblings on logical fallacies and apply them to other parts of your life or maybe even *gasp* candidates for public office.

Another Trait to Add to My Ever-Expanding List

I suppose this is "big-news-catch-up-time" based on how many blogs I have posted in the last two days. Yet I am compelled to post another.

As many of you might know, and some of you don't, I am due to give birth to our first child on July 2nd. That translates to currently being at the tail end of the 15th week. Some of you might also be interested to know that our first year anniversary will be May 24th. No, that was not the original plan but the Lord has made it clear to us that he gave us this baby in His time. That is an immense comfort to me considering I had only recently become okay with the idea of having kids anytime soon (never mind liking the idea)! However, I have enjoyed doing some preliminary registering at Babies R Us much more than I expected I would. I am counting on the excitement growing once we know the gender of the baby and picking out cute, gender appropriate clothing (though I still hate pink). Seriously... if it is a girl and you get me something pink, you had better bring the receipt.

For now I am going with a cute barnyard animals theme starting with an incredibly inexpensive hand-me-down set off Craig'sList.com complete with little extras such as a lamp shade, mobile, night light, and light switch plate to name a few. I am also focusing on ducks. I think they are the cutest baby theme for either a boy or a girl. I actually found some super cute baby ducky slippers on Babies R Us! I just about died for the joy of it and made my husband laugh in the meantime.

Please pray for my peace of mind. I know that I am worrying far too much about the future. My midwife can't determine whether I will be low or high risk until I get an evaluation by a geneticist who specializes in my condition and I REALLY, REALLY want to have the baby at home. I understand if I need to have one at the hospital (better to be safe with these things) but I still worry about the necessity of it.

I praise the Lord daily for the wonderful man he has brought into my life! He has been an amazing support for me during these uncertain times and I am constantly encouraged by the prospect that he will be the best dad in the world (no joke). He has been both supportive and independent during my sick days and while I am still trying to recover my energy. He has never failed to say a kind word when I have felt most insecure and he is quick to apologize if he finds out a flippant phrase hurt me.

I love him so much and for that reason alone I can be happy to have a child with him!

Belize

I'm afraid I have been delinquent in keeping my family and friends up to date with certain upcoming plans. Usually I tell everyone as soon as possible when I have plans to travel but I think that between transitioning to married life and having to work every other weekend, this time I have been more isolated.

The destination: Dangriga, Belize.

Tim and I will be traveling with a group of medical professionals and various others organized by an Episcopal priest and his nurse wife (who I know through work) from January 16-25th. The medical team will hold triage clinics and do surgeries while the construction team builds an Episcopal church in another part of town. Tim, being the only technical person on the team, will be updating and trouble-shooting the computer lab at a local school. Apparently, some new hard-drives and software programs have been donated for such use.

This will be my first "missions" trip which is not primarily for evangelical purposes. Yes, it is organized under the Episcopal Archdiocese but all are welcome to participate in this trip to minister to people's physical needs, I assume to pave the way for subsequent emotional and spiritual ministry by local Christians. I don't know yet what my duties will be, but being a surgical nurse I'm fairly certain I will end up on some sort of surgical team. I also put on my application that I like triage. Knowing Spanish will come in handy with that (as far as I can tell there is only one other Spanish-speaker on the team. She is actually a high school Spanish teacher, no less!). Exactly who will be on which team and subsequent organization will be decided the Sunday that we arrive and the work starts Monday. Knowing Kathy I'm sure she will have a preliminary sketch of who will do what before we arrive which will then be up for discussion by the team members. The plan is to work almost non-stop through Friday then Saturday is a free day before beginning our return journey on Sunday.

This will be an interesting change from the slow-paced clinic in the Yucatan where I stayed for 7 weeks the summer of 2006. It will also feel weird to swoop in once again with a flurry of activity and fly out exhausted like the high school style trips to Mexican border towns. Usually in those styles of trips it's actually the Americans who learn the most and change the most so I will certainly watch for opportunities to talk with my future co-workers. Kathy tells me that not all of them are Christians.

Probably the most exciting prospect of this trip is to do my favorite kind of ministry alongside my husband. Perhaps "alongside" is too strong a word. Other than updating the computer lab Tim doesn't have an assignment. I assume that once he is done with that task he will be a few miles away helping build the church. Nevertheless, it is in this kind of environment where I feel at home, where I know I belong. I have never had a love for America I think because the Lord has put a love of other countries in my heart.

Prayer requests:
1. The usual traveling mercies: getting through security with extra bags filled with medical and surgical equipment, bags arriving the same time as the plane, no delays, etc.
2. Safety for me and the baby. Before deciding whether to go on the trip or not Tim and I researched the relative danger of certain diseases in the area. Kathy (the nurse who helps coordinate the trip with her husband) assures me that in their many years of trips no one has ever contracted malaria or any other disease dangerous for a fetus. She simply suggests to avoid the central regions on our play day where the risk is higher. No big deal. I saw ruins in the Yucatan. Snorkeling in the Caribbean has then moved up to the very top of my list to do in that area of the world!
3. Opportunities to share the gospel either with the locals or my coworkers. And boldness to go along with it, please!

25: Kinda like 24 but without Keifer Sutherland (originally a Facebook post)

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1. When I was little I wanted to be a linguist so I could be a missionary anywhere in the world.

2. For that end, I started languages early. I am fluent in Spanish, can communicate in French and Italian, have taken classes in Latin, Greek, and Japanese, and done independent study on six other languages including Russian, Hebrew, and German.

3. Because I pay attention to the sounds and syllables of other languages I can tell when someone is a foreigner speaking the language and if they're doing it well or not (e.g. the kid in the Mummy III trying to speak Chinese *shudder*).

4. I can usually figure out which country someone comes from by the sounds of their native language. The former Soviet Republics are especially difficult. I usually get close but no cigar with those.

5. God had to hit me (almost literally...?) to get me to change my major from language studies to Nursing. In the process I had to give up college volleyball. This did not change my original call to Missions.

6. I love sports and I've played soccer, baseball (I was the only girl in the league until my third year when there was one other girl), martial arts, track, and volleyball, and recently taken skiing lessons.

7. I am a little aquaphobic and I have to have a good reason to go swimming.

8. I eased my way out of volleyball by volunteering as the home manager for my college volleyball team in the hopes that someone would be sick or gone and the coach would need me to equal out the numbers for certain drills.

9. My favorite volleyball memories are beating the entire NU volleyball team and their coaches to win an individual skills drill/game, and in high school, blocking Moana Sau (the best hitter in the league) at a home game three times in a row to mentally shut her down for a game, and an away game at Highline where I was so "on" that the entire match seemed to be in slow-motion. Too bad we lost in the 5th game anyway.

10. I started working as a nurse, got married, and got pregnant within 12 months.

11. Apparently, being fertile at strange intervals runs in the family.

12. The only reason I don't want a girl is because if the girl is anything other than a tomboy like me, I'll have no idea what to do with her. When my little sister was a "girlie girl" (no lie) we REALLY didn't get along. I want a boy!!!

13. I always disliked kids when I was growing up and would do anything else to avoid babysitting (including working with a contractor and digging post-holes.)

14. I dislike pink enough that I will avoid dressing any of my little girls in it. Instead I'll use mostly yellow, red, green, blue, and purple.

15. I try to collect pins from the places I visit but some places like interior of the Yucatan, don' t have souvenir shops.

16. I have lost track of how many times I have dislocated my shoulders. I have dislocated my knees four or five times, my hips more than that, and a smattering of fingers and toes.

17. My connective tissue condition made certain sports almost impossible (Track) and it may put me at high risk for giving birth so I have to see a geneticist first.

18. I want to give birth at home but if my midwife determines that I am "high risk" then I may be forced to give birth at the hospital where doctors think they know everything.

19. I know doctors don't know everything because I have seen patients die because the doc wouldn't believe a nurse that something is a problem. One conversation went something like this "Doc, your patient isn't doing well. Can we please draw ABGs, a CBC and a BMP, and get a stat chest x-ray?" "No, you'll draw a CBC and do the CxR in the morning." 45 minutes later... "Doc, we're doing CPR on your patient. Any orders now??" (No, that is not every doctor. Just an "elite" few.)

20. Probably my biggest pet peeve at work is when a patient or a patient's family refuses to acknowledge that they are not the only person we are caring for and we can't do everything for them that they would wish RIGHT NOW!

21. One of my shortcomings at work is that I don't have enough patience for older people with dementia, bi-polar, or alzheimer's.

22. My personality has a certain funky combination of being a concrete thinker while being able to empathize very well. This can be embarrassing at movies.

23. I HATE chick-flicks. I love action movies and thinkers, especially a combination of both. E.g. The Matrix, Minority Report, Mission Impossible, Equilibrium, etc.

24. I am not very random but I appreciate a certain amount of randomness. Too much randomness and the humor is lost to me.

25. My dad fiddled with computers as soon as there was such a thing as a PC, my brother became a software engineer, I married a software engineer, and now I hang out almost exclusively with software engineers. The sheer nerdiness of it all will make me laugh at random, unrelated times.

/the end

Holy crap! Now I have to tag 25 people??

1. My hubby. Of course.
2. Rachel, because you tagged me.
3. Josh because you're awesome.
4. Mike because I want to see if there are any more random things about you I don't know about.
5. Keisha because you're so sweet.
6. Bethany because you are random. "Ack! No filter!" hehehe.
7. Deborah because you're probably the most random person I know.
8. Rick because I miss you.
9. Martha because I miss you too.
10. GEOOORRGEEE!!!
11. Cara, the best roomie ever.
12. Becca because I want to know more about you.
13. Becky, my sister-in-law. You might be too busy with little Ethan and Eric but you also might find this fun during down-time. Does that even exist any more?
14. Marissa because you're awesome.
15. Kristen: mom. That's all.
16. Loren because I mentioned you in this note and because we were such good playmates.
17. Katherine because I mentioned you too and we managed to become friends after all.
18. David because you're a great husband to my sister.
19. Monica because every time I watch you I'm trying to take lessons.
20. Tom ditto for you as your wife.
21. Tara because you're the most awesome big sister ever and I wish I am trying to be more like you.
22. Abi because you're quiet and mysterious.
23. Rachel because you just love life and I love that about you.
24. Hannah, my first roomie! We are too far away so you should tell me some random things about you.
25. Stephy because you're probably just as random as Deborah, but in a different way.
....
26. Katie because I can't believe I didn't tag you earlier.
27. Nick because you will probably recognize the last line of my post. Yup. I learned that from you.

Bold

1. 1. Started your own blog. (This one and the Double-Wedding one count, right?)
   
2. 2. Slept under the stars. (Several times on the trampoline with my brother and sister. I've also NOT slept under some shooting stars while snuggling and waiting for Search and Rescue to call us back.)
   
3. 3. Played in a band. (Does a mini-orchestra count?)
   
4. 4. Visited Hawaii.
   
5. 5. Watched a meteor shower. (Oh, indeed, yes.)
   
6. 6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. 7. Been to Disneyland.
8. 8. Climbed a mountain. (Shucksan (base camp), Rainier (base camp), Si)
   
9. 9. Held a praying mantis.
10. 10. Sang a solo.
    
11. 11. Bungee jumped.
12. 12. Visited Paris.
13. 13. Watched a lightening storm at sea.
    
14. 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. (Needlepoint, sketching, sewing.)
    
15. 15. Adopted a child. (The first one was in Guatemala. My current one is in Africa.)
    
16. 16. Had food poisoning. (No fun.)
    
17. 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. 18. Grown your own vegetables.
    
19. 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (NOT on the to-do list)
    
20. 20. Slept on an overnight train. (From Kolkata in Bengal to Puri in Orissa, India. The unichs are truly scary.)
    
21. 21. Had a pillow fight. (Who with siblings hasn't?)
    
22. 22. Hitch hiked.
23. 23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. (Today I was just too tired to work another shift in a row.)
    
24. 24. Built a snow fort. (And an igloo, too.)
    
25. 25. Held a lamb. (And a baby goat, cuddled a foal...)
    
26. 26. Gone skinny dipping. (But I've seen people skinny dip.)
    
27. 27. Run a Marathon.
28. 28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. 29. Seen a total eclipse
30. 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (Both)
    
31. 31. Hit a home run (In little league only because the outfielder mishandled the ball.)
    
32. 32. Been on a cruise
    
33. 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
    
34. 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
    
35. 35. Seen an Amish community.
36. 36. Taught yourself a new language. (Check out numbers 1-4 here.)
37. 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. (Right now.)
    
38. 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. 39. Gone rock climbing. (fun fun fun!)
    
40. 40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. 41. Sung karaoke (I'm usually too shy but I was convinced to sing one or two at a UGM senior's camp.)
    
42. 42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. 43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. 44. Visited Africa
45. 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight. (Don't try this in Costa Rica: you'll get eaten by mosquitoes.)
    
46. 46. Been transported in an ambulance. (Dislocated shoulder.)
    
47. 47. Had your portrait painted. (by a cartoonist counts, I think.)
    
48. 48. Gone deep sea fishing.
    
49. 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person. (With Rachel and Dan.)
    
50. 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (definitely on the to-do list if I ever visit somewhere tropical. There was a hurricane the two days we could have snorkeled in Costa Rica.)
    
52. 52. Kissed in the rain. (There's always some sort of rain falling in Seattle, so I'm sure Tim and I have done this.)
    
53. 53. Played in the mud. (One particular time my brother, sister, and I made a mud bath in an unused part of our vegetable garden.)
    
54. 54. Gone to a drive-in theater. (On Whidbey Island with some of my best college buddies.)
    
55. 55. Been in a movie. (Been in the news, though.)
    
56. 56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. 57. Started a business. (Tiger Clean.)
    
58. 58. Taken a martial arts class. (Judo is my favorite.)
    
59. 59. Visited Russia.
60. 60. Served at a soup kitchen. (In Kolkata. Don't anyone ever try to guilt-trip me to do something for the poor/homeless in the Seattle area. I'll either do it because I want to or I won't. They are millionaires compared to the poor in India.)
    
61. 61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. 62. Gone whale watching. (No whales though.)
    
63. 63. Got flowers for no reason.
64. 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
    
65. 65. Gone sky diving.
66. 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Cam. (Also on my to-do list.)
67. 67. Bounced a check. (Once, early on in my checking account days.)
    
68. 68. Flown in a helicopter.
    
69. 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy. (My books were my toys and it is almost impossible to part with them.)
    
70. 70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. 71. Eaten Caviar.
72. 72. Pieced a quilt.
73. 73. Stood in Times Square.
74. 74. Toured the Everglades.
75. 75. Been fired from a job.
76. 76. Seen the changing of the guards in London. (On the same trip as seeing the Cistine Chapel.)
    
77. 77. Broken a bone.
    
78. 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. 80. Published a book.
81. 81. Visited the Vatican. (Again, same trip as the Cistine Chapel.)
    
82. 82. Bought a brand new car.
    
83. 83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. 84. Had your picture in a newspaper. (Ran for local office in 2000.)
    
85. 85. Read the entire Bible.
86. 86. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. (Mmmm... barbecued bunny.)
    
87. 87. Visited the White House.
88. 88. Had chickenpox.
    
89. 89. Saved someone’s life. (I'm a nurse. Duh.)
    
90. 90. Sat on a jury.
    
91. 91. Met someone famous. (My parents, mom in particular, have lots of connections.)
    
92. 92. Joined a book club (I guess you could call it that: we're going to start up again soon. I think we're finishing off Mere Christianity, and then going on to Desiring God.)
    
93. 93. Lost a loved one. (Sept. 24, 1998)
    
94. 94. Had a baby (Due July 2nd, 2009!)
    
95. 95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake.
97. 97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. 98. Owned a cell phone. (Since 2004.)
    
99. 99. Been stung by a bee. (Attacked by a hive when I was 7. Got 12 stings at that time. In my life I've had 28 stings total, all but those 12 at individual times.)
    
100. 100. Read an entire book in one day. (ref. question #69.)