The request for updates on my life this summer are starting to pile up so I ought to dispel some people's fears of me either lying bleeding in a ditch or quietly married post eloping. (as if)So far my summer has been packed with hanging out with Tim, dancing, softball, hiking, catching up with friends at home (after three years at school), and creative and analytical / expository writing. Unfortunately, the analytical / expository writing part really needs to be first on the list but my abused and depressed drive for excellence shrieks and cowers at the thought of once again subjugating myself to academia when all I want to do is finish with that and EXPERIENCE LIFE! Again, unfortunately, fully experiencing life, A.K.A. holding a full-time job, is dependent on finishing up the last section of the last class of my last semester of school. Why can’t it just go away? Disappear? POOF!!! Those gosh-darn-damned lessons (Yes, I just swore…lightly. Get over it.) of patience and perseverance just won’t stop coming! It’s as if God expects my entire life existence, and perhaps my post-(physio)mortem existence, to require an overabundance of those two components. Well, at least I have yet another inspiration to finish this class. Valley Medical wants me to attend the RN orientation training on Sept. 9-10 which means I really need to get the class done by next week at the latest. I think I can do that. Next Friday seems attainable. It’s too bad that my previous deadlines were not attainable and mostly worked to prematurely burn me out for the 1738476329349th time. (No, I’m not exaggerating.) (Ok. Maybe a little, but not much.) I am finding it seriously difficult to maintain the perspective of joy and hope in anticipating what God is preparing me for rather than feeling singled out for the most difficult path possible. I went through so much to get into nursing school and then stay in nursing school. Why then, when I can see the finish line, did God allow it to be pulled so far away from me again? I certainly don’t compare my circumstances or my integrity to David’s (boy… that would be asking for it!) but I can at least identify with his prayer in Psalm 3: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” In my case the “enemy” is our ultimate enemy. I have been assailed and attacked on a daily basis including in my dreams for at least two years now with only short respites. Even the grim satisfaction of being a big enough threat to Satan’s kingdom that I attract that much attention from him is wearing thin. Can’t I just have a peaceful existence for a year? Six months at least?My encouragement at this point is Tim, a Godly man who is very concerned with “rightly dividing the word of truth,” besides being tall, dark, and handsome. ;-) But, of course, all the relationship stuff adds another element of stress to life, not in a bad way, but stress none the less. I have also been led to counsel with a godly man and his wife in Gig Harbor who have helped me understand some of my motives and roots to emotional issues. I’m meeting with them again tomorrow.
In summary, please pray for the perseverance and doggedness to finish this class quickly (deadline: next Friday) and that the subsequent permit to take the national nursing boards, the NCLEX, would proceed without setbacks. This general ed. class hovering over my head is pretty much crippling me at this point including my enjoyment of other things as well as my motivation to finish it.
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