(Note: I wrote this letter last night but could not send it out because the phone connection constantly failed due to bad weather the day before.)
Hello again from Xocempich, Yucatan, Mexico... for the last time. I am scheduled to fly back to the good ol' US of A on Thursday morning (tomorrow), July 13th, almost exactly one month early. I have asked so many questions and yet been in stunned silence for hours at a time. One and a half months is such a short period of time! I do not understand why God would see fit to bring me home so early from such a short trip. Am I not accomplishing what he wants me to accomplish? Is there some as-of-yet unknown reason why I should be at home? Would I better serve him at home at this time? Is this a test of my faith and obedience to His plan even when I do not understand it? Some combination of the above? I have been upset at the whole situation, the sickness, the tiredness, going home early, having no job or plans for 2 months at home, the headaches of getting plane tickets changed (once again, I don't know how mom does it!), leaving my ministry area earlier than planned allowing apparent gaping holes in my ministry with the girls... etc. The complaints could go on until the Second Coming should I let them.
Last night I continued to review Beth Moore's Bible study on Jesus titled "Jesus, the One and Only" as part of my ongoing desire to get to know my Lord better and part of the session discussed assignments versus callings. I was convicted that I have been focusing on my temporary assignment (Xocempich) rather than my permanent calling (being totally surrendered to Him). After a little confession time and heart-to-heart with my loving Lord I began thinking about the bigger picture.
Hmm... the bigger picture.
Because we cannot see all the pieces to the bigger picture the key is always obedience to the One who can. I was clearly called to Mexico and I obeyed. I was called to nursing school and I obeyed. I was called to Northwest University and I obeyed. I was called to surrender my life, my being, my all to Him and I obeyed; all with results I never cwould have dreamed of. Now I am called home early from a short-term missions/work experience trip and I must obey. I cannot see the pieces to the bigger picture as of yet but how amazing it is to praise my Lord for his sovereignty and faithfulness in all situations, not to mention his grace and gentleness in quietly correcting my crummy attitude! Isn't it wonderful, children of the Heavenly Father, that even in times of doubt and uncertainty we have reason to praise! In all occasions even in hardship, temptation, trial, torture, and yes, even death, we have reason to praise our Almighty God! For he who possesses, embodies, and is the epitome of every good thing has the right to be praised in all situations and at all times!! What other god has that right? Not any god of any other religion for they either are made by human hands without the ability to see, hear, taste, feel, or smell; they are dead, or they are a figment of the imagination used solely to further the purposes of a group of people. The god of self does not have that right, neither does the god of money, the god of fame or popularity, the god of health, or any other thing on this earth for they are temporal. Only the "One and Only" Jehovah, the great I AM, the all-powerful, ever-present, all-knowing creator!! What a God we serve!
O Lord, forgive me for my unbelief, my lack of faith, and my bad attitude. Align my vision, desires, actions, and words with your own. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. May all that I say and do ever bring glory to you.
I want to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to anyone and everyone who has supported me in any way during this trip. Thank you for donating money so that I could have this amazing experience. Thank you for praying for my spiritual, mental and physical well-being. Thank you for the words of encouragement throughout my time here. Depending on what happens I may send one more journal before signing off... perhaps with a bit about Chichen Itza because I do not have the mental capacity to share that day-long trip with you at this time. Vamos a ver (we shall see).
Prayer:
For good health in the morning and a safe trip home tomorrow.
For God's continued blessing on this clinic as well as each and every nursing student, doctor, and patient I had contact with.
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