Wait (3 of 3)

Believe it or not, the incident to spark this series was a visit by some Mormon boys (as my mom always called them) and the related research before their visit about eight weeks ago. A passage in the Book of Mormon, Alma chapter 5 outlines the Mormon faith: "and this is how you know if you have been saved...have you sufficiently retained in remembrance the captivity of your fathers? Yea, and have you sufficiently retained in remembrance his mercy and long suffering towards them? And moreover, have ye sufficiently retained in remembrance that he has delivered their souls from hell?...And now I ask of you on what conditions are they saved?...they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved."

Light from heaven!

Sufficiently? How subjective! How wrought with doubts inspiring outward service and mostly fear. No wonder my paternal grandmother, a picture-perfect Mormon for life, told my mother on her deathbed "I don't know what the [angels in heaven] would want with me." Against that background the Good News sparkled bringing tears to my eyes. Sparkles, relief, peace, hope, assurance, and maybe even some angelic singing! "How marvelous are your works, O God. How vast is the sum of them. Were I to count them they would outnumber the grains of sand... (Ps. 139)" Marvelous to know that we are utterly inept to prove ourselves sufficiently worthy to live amongst God's Holiness so he created a way to give us His holiness! What human mind would have come up with that? God's plan is so elegant that the wise are dumbfounded (1 Cor. 1:27)!

Revelation 5
"I saw in the right hand of Him who sat on the throne a  book written inside and on the back, sealed up with seven seals. ² And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the book and to break its seals?” ³ And no one in heaven or on the earth or under the earth was able to open the book or to look into it. ⁴ Then I began to weep greatly because no one was found worthy to open the book or to look into it; ⁵ and one of the elders said to me, “Stop weeping; behold, the Lion that is from the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has overcome so as to open the book and its seven seals.” ...


Then I looked, and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne and the living creatures and the elders; and the number of them was myriads of myriads, and thousands of thousands, ¹² saying with a loud voice,

“ Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing.”

¹³ And every created thing which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all things in them, I heard saying,

“To Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever.”

¹⁴ And the four living creatures kept saying, “ Amen.” And the elders fell down and worshiped."

 

A lamb, standing as if slain, was worthy? It sounds so strange, so counter-intuitive. But I have come to the conclusion once again that it is an elegant, true, inspired plan to erase our sin and make us holy so that we can spend time with God who is holy. God himself came down to become a man, to live a perfect life, so that he could be a worthy sacrifice to pay the penalty for all our sins. And he demonstrated to everyone, human and divine, that he defeated sin and death for all time by coming back to life, appearing to hundreds of witnesses, and ascending into heaven. All we need is faith. Not sufficient faith, whatever that means. Just faith. "For it is by God's grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but God's gift, so that no one can boast about it (Eph 2:8-9, Good News Translation)."

Yet another piece of the puzzle to fit into these last confusing years. It is so tempting to lose sight of the truth that we can rest in God's holiness simply because he gave it to us, having absolutely nothing to do with our actions. This is not a new idea to me but in relation to what I have been learning recently and contrasted with the Mormon religion it has new depth of color in my understanding.

On a quirky little side note, the time previously that I heard God speak to me as he once did on a regular basis, he told me to invite a friend of mine to a book study with other friends, and to keep on asking. The man who was to win her heart a few years later hadn't even joined the group yet, but God invited me to be part of the process. I don't have any deep "spirichal" insights about that one, it was simply fun. A joy. A pleasure to be a part of. And I am reminded of the unnecessary invitation to be part of something beautiful every time I think of them.

Psalm 27
 ¹³ I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.

In just the last few weeks I and others have directly benefited from the difficulties I've experienced in the last few years. My traumatic experiences with labor, delivery, breast feeding, and bonding have directly benefited my little sister. At the time I didn't care if my experience would help someone in the future. I had to focus on living through this day, this hour, this minute. I had to prevent myself to carry out plans for death solely for the sake of my husband. I don't know that I can yet say it was all worth it, but what I can say is I had no idea how fulfilled it would make me feel to help someone else avoid what I went through, or to simply show them the support I needed when experiencing similar circumstances.

Isaiah 61:1-3 - A prophecy in the voice of the coming Messiah

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

Because the Lord has anointed me
To bring good news to the  afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;
² To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
³ To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called  oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

There are still many things I do not understand. Some day I will know the big picture of why I've had these experiences, why my family, and especially my firstborn daughter, had to experience the fallout of these dark times but for now I am holding on to a couple of key verses, two of which I shared earlier and two additional:

"You have the words of life. Where else will I go (my paraphrase, Jn. 6:36)?"

"...So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified (Is. 61:3)."

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, [nor depression, addition mine], will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom. 8:38-39)

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. ⁶ But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; ⁷ and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort (2 Cor. 1:3-7)